We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
