Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.