Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.