My friends, they love my intelligence
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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