He uses pillows to masturbate.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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