yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
It's just like the Real World with babies
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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