you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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