There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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