If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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