woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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