the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
