I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
