if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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