The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
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In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
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I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I enjoy the company of your penis
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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