this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
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I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
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I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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