we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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