I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
