She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
