I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick