You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Say something about gay babies.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg