Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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