I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Cold hands, warm shart.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
