I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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