the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
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He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
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You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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