People in love make me want to vomit
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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