Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
