Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?