I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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