She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
