lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
