your room smells of hookers.
And success
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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