when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
