a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
