I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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