im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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