I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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