I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
