My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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