dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
