His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
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