doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
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She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
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We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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