I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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