I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just gift wrapped bread.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
