I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
