party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
