We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize