My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
