I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
