I just pynch a tree in the face
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
