All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
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Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
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Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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