I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
