My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
