i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Please don't give away my fajitas
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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