Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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