I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
