for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
