If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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