all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
