Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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