You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
