It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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