I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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