i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
