she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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